Life's Lessons

I have made many mistakes in my life. Though to look at them as mistakes would be wrong. For without the knowledge that you gain from mistakes you are just bound to do the same thing again.

Pain and hurt are feelings for a reason. If you felt no pain or hurt how would you stop yourself from destroying the very thing that is in Pain. Example: If you hold your hand to a fire how many times would it take to learn not to burn yourself?

The same thing goes for emotional pain. If you don’t realize what it is that is burning you how many times will it take before your heart dies?

You see what happens when you see a bitter Older Man or Woman that seems angry at the world and just likes to cause problems. Those people have hurt themselves over and over by seeing the pretty lights of the fire and believing that this time it won’t burn them. Yet every time it does.

I have been in my fair share of bad relationships. Yet I have learned one thing from all the bad ones. Everything I know I don’t want in the next person. People will treat you how YOU allow them to treat you.

If you justify in your head that one Name that you have been called is OK. Then he will call you that name simply because he can. If just one hit was ok then he will do it again. People love to push our boundaries. It is our rebellious nature. Women tend to look at things from a more “mothering” view. “Enough time and love he will see or feel that things or he could be different.” Men can only change when they are ready. At some point you get tired enough and say “Hey I don’t have the time or energy to fix your problems.”

If when going into a new relationship you say these are the things I will NOT tolerate:

1. Name Calling

2. Abuse

3. Abandonment

4. Cheating

5. ETC

They will figure out in their mind if they have the time or energy to please YOU. Not you pleasing them. Cause do you really have time to cater to them in hopes that they will treat you right?

Another thing that I hold on tight to is my appearance. Not necessarily my physical one but the way I present myself. I have always been a little more of a Tomboy then most. I am not into chick flicks or frilly girl things. I like action and suspense and sci-fi. I used to cuss every other word until one person said that they do not see me as a girl and that being with me made him feel gay. That the way I talk and walk and sit was very unattractive. I grew up quick. I started observing others around me. And realized that there is a Big difference between Ladies and women. If you present yourself with dignity and respect others will treat you that way. These are some of the rules that I follow:

A lady should always walk in an easy, unassuming manner, neither looking left nor right. If anything in a store window attracts her attention, she may stop and examine it, and then continue her walk.

A lady does not giggle or whisper in public. Talking loudly is "inexcusable" at all times and gives a vulgar tone to all that is said. She does not call her friends across the street or ask of their health in a boisterous manner.

Never "cut" a person in public. If there are reasons you wish to discontinue the acquaintance turn your head before meeting. Do not expose anyone to the humiliation of a cold and rude stare or refuse to return the greeting of one made in the presence of others.

When bowing on the street, the lady should merely incline her head gracefully, never her body. She should also smile pleasantly.

She must never let a male talk to her in a slangy manner, touch her on the shoulder or call her by her first name in front of strangers.

Most Important, A lady will refrain from using words that will degrade herself or others. To use such words shows that you are uneducated enough to come up with more creative words and are resulted to use those words of unoriginality. To use such words would only make your appearance to be of those of “lower class”.

Dreams

They say dreams are the key to your subconscious. I wonder what I am trying to tell myself. I kept a journal of my dreams during a hard time in my life about a year ago. Some was very symbolic and others were extremely sexual.

I took some dream interpretation classes when I was in college as an elective. I think at that time I was still trying to figure out why I have been given the ability to dream in such vivid detail. It is almost to the point that if someone doesn’t know me they would swear that I made the whole story up.

So I have decided to post a few of the dreams I kept a journal of and hopefully I can continue to keep a log now that I have somewhere that I could access constantly. And hopefully I could do some interpretation of my own. Keep a look out for it. I will have a link to the site but be patent I will work on it. Most likely it will be unfinished for a while... Just like my poems link.

Childish Behavior

Why must I indulge in childish behavior? I find myself wishing to justify myself to my enemy. Yet why we are enemies I do not know. Maybe it is the yet again downfall of women’s emotions to suppress our predecessors. Two men walk in a room together and immediately bond. Yet two women enter a room they see competition. They at that time begin to size each other up to prove to themselves that they are better than the other. I have been brought up to believe that women and men are equal. Yet if women could master the logic over emotions as men have come to do we could easily be the superior sex. Anyway, now that I have justified my behavior I will expand on with my Education.

At the age of 16 I graduated a private all girls’ high school as “Magna Cum Laude” with a 3.98 GPA. I was then granted a full scholarship from Florida State University for poetry. Which, I had many published from the age of 13 to 16.

At 16 and at a major University a very sheltered girl became a woman. I maintained a very nice GPA of 3.89 and had an Associates degree by 18. I had quite a few minors in college such as pre law, accounting, and psychology. Do you really know what you want to be when you grow up at 18? Well I didn’t. Some people find out who they are by having multiple sexual encounters and much heartbreak. Others find more constructive ways as I did. I chose to take a year away from school to try REAL life and find what direction I was to pursue.

At 18 I knew that an AA degree wouldn’t get me very far so I got my degree as a Nail specialist. I ended up going to Atlanta Georgia so that I could get the Masters in the field thinking maybe one day I would teach it. I went to many Nail shows and was listed in Nail Pro magazine for being one of the top young future Nail artists.

I got heavy into Modeling with big agencies such as Lisa Mailey and John Cassablanca. Where I was a pretty decent model and making about 1000 a day. I bought my first house at 19.

I never did figure out what I wanted to do when I grew up. I knew that I wanted to help people yet every career I decided to try was filled with corruption. I will not risk my virtue for money. “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” 1 Timothy 6:10.

I have always been in some sort of school. Excluding when my children have been from the ages of birth to 2. The first 2 years of a child’s life is the most important to have a parent with them.

Now I am in school again. My daughter is now almost 3 and I have just got my A+ certification. Since I have no scholarship and no mommy and daddy to support me I must take care of my children and work and school. I have been taking classes as to pursue a career in Computer Science.

I will leave this blog with a good note to reflect on. I do not have to lower myself as to call another a name or to prove to the world that I can Have Sex with Multitudes of men. I will live my life from the words of Matthew that Jesus once spoke:

“²For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

³"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.” Matthew 7:2-5